11th April 2013
I am not a girly girl. At all. I don't really like pink at all, in fact I think I actually have an aversion to it, as opposed to just not liking it. I own heels, but generally wear the same pair of boots over and over again as I know I can handle them, having only really started wearing heels at all since leaving uni. Make up only truly became a part of a routine when I got to uni, and then only when I went out, it is since then that I will occasionally put on eyeliner and mascara when I venture out during the day.
Which is what made today that bit more of a surprise to me.
There I was, happily changing my sheets. I'm going to stop there, because that's clearly a lie, isn't it? Who happily changes their sheets? It's one of those things you have to do that everyone resents. Of course, you love the feeling of fresh new sheets, but taking them off and putting new ones on is just the definition of "eurggh, I don't wanna". Anyway.
There I was, grumpily changing my sheets. I grabbed the duvet, unpopped the poppers and started pulling out the duvet. Suddenly. Oh so suddenly. There was a monster. A massive great thick black legged spider came scuttling OUT OF MY DUVET. I want you to take a second to appreciate that. It was in my duvet. For how long? What else was in there? Was it mad at me for squishing it or for destroying its home? I did not wait to find out.
The second I spotted my new arch nemesis I screamed like a baby and ran out of the room. I say ran out of the room, I attempted it, but the door was closed and the wherewithal to open it was just not there so I ran into it and cowered in my dressing gown instead.
It has been a long long time since something has happened to me to make me scream with fear. I can't remember the last time. I never thought I was particularly afraid of spiders, I'd been called in to fetch paper from cupboards at school that others wouldn't venture into because of spiders as others coped worse than I did. But there I was, pacing the room, heart racing, wondering how on earth I was going to be able to deal with this. Would I have to wait until someone else got home? I felt it unlikely that Lynsey would fare any better than myself, was Tom afraid of spiders? What's the time....damn, far too early to wait. Should I go and knock on other flats in the building and see if my knight in shining armour was anywhere close by? Hmm no. That could be potentially inviting a serial killer not only into my house, but into my room.
I grabbed my phone and asked Nich what I should do. Her response was:
"Kill it. Kill it! Then take a pic and put it on facebook."
Thanks Nich. Glad to know you always have my best interests at heart.
I had no idea exactly where it had gone, just that it had scuttled back into the duvet folds. I walked tentatively back over to the duvet, reached out my hand, freaked out again and ran away. What's wrong with me?
Nich's next suggestion was hoover. Ok. I found my dustbuster and had my phone in one hand, wanting to prove that this thing existed. I edged closer to the bed and began prodding it with the buster. The phone wobbled in my hand and in trying to keep hold of that I managed to accidentally turn on the dustbuster and scare the absolute crap out of myself so I was back by the door hiding in my dressing gown once more.
Eventually, with much prodding and pulling, I got the duvet out of the cover and saw that the beast was still hiding within the folds on the bed. I decided it was time to be brave. I opened the window as wide as it would go and gingerly grabbed corners and flew over to shake it outside. I checked as I picked it up that the monster was not still on the bed, don't you worry. I got the cover outside and shook it like a maniac, in every way I could. I just about managed to stop myself from dropping the whole thing entirely, but don't think it didn't cross my mind. After shaking from every angle and an elaborate system of pulling it inside via the top window to be able to check both sides, I dropped it into a washing bag and put it outside my room.
Taking the pillowcases off was a bit of a to do, shockingly. Harder not to put your hand into the abyss with those fellas. Once all the sheets were off they were straight into the washing machine, screw the express wash, these were going in for the 3 hour jobbie, nothing was surviving that.
I put on new sheets in a speedy yet terrified manner, and headed off for a shower, inspecting my slippers carefully before putting them on and giving my dressing gown the same treatment. I think I've managed to make the already uninviting job of changing sheets infinitely more difficult. Doh.
As I didn't get a picture of the beast you have to settle for a picture of the new sheets instead. I hope the idea of spiders sleeping with you freaks you out as much as it does me now. That's my gift to you. You're welcome.